On the 28th July, I arrived at my favourite tattoo studio ready to get inked. I was filled with nerves and excited. Two tattoos in one sitting. Was I mad? Yes. But, I love to get inked.
Here is a blog post about the significance of the first tattoo I had done in that session. I knew that rib tattoos are infamous for being incredibly painful, yet it didn’t put me off wanting the tattoo. Even though it is a only a small design, it is very important to me, and is a permanent reminder on my body. This isn’t my usual blog post, it is very honest about my mental health. So please do not judge me.
Throughout my university studies I struggled with bad depression and self harm. It was crippling. It got that bad that in my first year of my studies, on my birthday, I took an overdose of my anti-depressants which were quite a high dosage, I hoarded them planning that I wanted to end my life. I didn’t realise what affect that overdose would have on my family. I was at home at the time, as I took a couple weeks off university because I had gotten so low. Luckily, my mam found me vomiting in the bathroom- my body’s way of trying to save itself- and rushed me to hospital where I was put on a drip and a machine to settle my heart down, as the amount of pills in my body nearly caused me to go into cardiac arrest. I spent a few weeks at home, trying to improve my mood before heading back to university. However, the feelings of lowness and no self worth didn’t stop.
I took another overdose in second year, but this time, in my student home. I decided to do it there as I thought that no one would come to my rescue. I can’t remember much of that event (I guess my mind has blocked it out for my own mental safety). But my housemate came up to see I was okay, and in my drowsy state I apparently told her what happened, so she drove me to A+E where I was kept overnight and put on another drip to keep me hydrated. Luckily that time, the overdose didn’t do much to my body, however because I took an OD of sleeping pills and because of my mental health, the doctors kept me in for 2 days to observe me. Like I did, I don’t recall much of that day, but my memory jogs back in when a nurse came into my room and said I had a visitor. My boyfriend travelled from our home town all the way to York to see if I was okay. I then had another visitor, my mum. My housemate called her to tell her what happened.
I’m still on the mend from my depression and sadly I still take antidepressants to help me. However, I managed to make my way through university.
This tattoo is to remind me that I am strong. I can succeed if I try my best. During those low times I didn’t think I would even graduate from my English Language & Linguistics degree, never mind finish it with a 2:1 classification. I wouldn’t of made it through university without the care and help of my close family, and my university friends who pushed me to be positive and live my life. Therefore this tattoo is to remind of my university life. Not just the down parts of it, but the memories I share with my friends who helped me finish that chapter of my life. The tattoo is of my university logo. It’s a constant reminder of where I have come.
Thank you for taking your time to read this blog post, love from SM.