One of those days…

I need to let people how I feel today, but I don’t really know how to write it. So I’ll leave you all with this song that’s sums it up pretty well. I should be back to myself tomorrow…

Ouch, I have lost myself again. Lost myself and I am no where to be found. Yeah, I think that I might break. Lost myself again and I feel unsafe.

Please, Call me Miss M…

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. I’ve been super busy being a daughter, girlfriend, auntie, dog sitter, a gym go-er and now, a teacher.

On Friday I had my first ever placement as a substitute teacher in a secondary school. It was terrifying.

I was due at the school for around 8am, so I woke up at 5.30am. Possibily the earliest I have EVER woken up in my life, and nothing like my usual student lifestyle of waking up at noon. The school was a forty minute drive away from home, and I needed to get up early enough so I wasn’t rushing and to enjoy  nice shower.

When I got there, I discovered that most the lessons I was covering were for English- my specialised subject. So that eased me a lot.

As I was setting up the computer and writing on the whiteboard ready for my first period, year 7, I could hear them outside whispering to each other ‘mint, we’ve got a substitute teacher’. I should of known from then I was expecting trouble.

The day generally included me not being able to control the lessons, teenagers running riot, and me getting very stressed. I remember from being in school when I was a teenager we used to give supply teachers HELL by being rebellious and not doing work. We used to forget that they are real people, who are nervous. So when a group of year 8 boys were being unbearable, I took them aside at the end of the lesson and asked how they would feel if they were a supply teacher stood in front of a class that wouldn’t listen. Hopefully that would of made them more aware that teachers are humans, too!

Although the experience was stressful, nerve-wrecking and scary, it hasn’t put me off completely. I am quite looking forward to my next placement this week, and to try out some behaviour management skills I have acquired from my friends that are teachers and the internet. However, at 21, I have got plenty of time to acquire my teacher style, and to practise that do I really need to tell you that you’re in trouble? infamous teacher stern glare (which I have been practising in the mirror, and can’t wait to test it out)!miss m

Wish me luck for my next placements! My next few blog posts will be about me starting the gym and dog-sitting for my boyfriends family, so watch this space!

Have a good week, SM *cough* I mean, Miss M. 😉

I am no longer a student.

This is just going to be a short post, so I apologise.

I am no longer a student. I have a job!

I am now a supply teacher! For secondary schools!

Did I hear any gulps there? That’s what all my friends did when I told them. Followed by a sarcastic yet meaningful “Good luck”.

I think I’m going to need it!

Overheard Conversations

I am quite a nosey person. In my old bar/waitress job my boss and fellow workers would laugh and say I just needed five minutes with a table filled with customers to find out their life stories. I guess I just like to find out what makes someone an individual. If you look at everyone who you pass in the town centre and think that every single person has their own hopes, dreams, likes, dislikes and problems- it makes you realise how complex life actually is. You don’t know what people are hiding behind their smile.

Usually I enjoy eavesdropping into people conversations and I don’t usually judge people from what I hear. But today I heard something that actually disgusted me.

So, I was walking into Morrisons (a large supermarket, for those of you who aren’t familiar with England) and I passed a young woman, maybe a similar age to me or a few years younger (so late teen or very early twenties). She was wearing a tracksuit and had a ‘cocky’ attitude to her. Straight away I was drawn to her, to try and suss out her life. Followed behind her was apparently her mum, looking very stressed holding a baby. She was trying to catch up with the other woman.

‘Are you not going to try and make an effort and hold your baby?’ she asked trying to get a trolley using one hand. The young woman- well now, the young mum- laughed and said something along the lines of ‘Well I’m here aren’t I? And you’re the nana’. The older woman then started to lecture the young mum about being a ‘mum’ and looking after her baby. To which the young mum laughed and announced

‘Well if you’re not happy mam, call social services, I don’t care’

I was disgusted. How could someone be so foul? This young woman had obviously brought this baby into the world, knowing the stigma of what it is to be a young mum and she did nothing to try and stop that stereotype. I could see the disappointment  in her mother. It annoys me how you get some women who get pregnant and take having a child for granted when some women desire nothing to be a mother but are unable to conceive. I wanted to walk up to the young mum and shake her by the shoulders and tell her to ‘man the f@#! up’. But it wasn’t my place. The looks of other eavesdroppers to the conversation also showed disgust.

When I have children in the future, I would try my best to show them how much they are loved and wanted. So I don’t understand when parents do otherwise.

I guess I don’t know that young woman’s individual problems and her life story, but she seriously needs to grow up and be the role of a mother.

Have you ever overheard something that shocked you? Please comment below and tell me the story.

SM.

A New Beginning…

Well, I’ve done it.

I have finally finished my English Language & Linguistics degree. I have moved back in with my mum… now what?

I’ve hit a wall.

I keep applying for jobs and I’ve already been face-palmed with a rejection and received a dash of hope with an interview coming up on Monday.

Hopefully everything will start falling into place. Now, how do I iron this shirt?

Time to do this ‘adulting’ thing and be mature I guess.

_______________________________________________

Song of the moment, MGMT: Time to Pretend

Last Semester of My Undergraduate Degree…

Well, I am about to go into my last semester of my English Language & Linguistic degree. Bloody hell. It doesn’t seem like five minutes ago I was applying to universities.

The thought that I will enter ‘the big bad world’ in a few months terrifies me. But, I guess I’m happy as I won’t have any more university assignments and revision to do! Well, that is for a year. I’m taking a year out once I’m finished to gain some life experience and to grow up a bit, after that I am hoping to go back into education to train to be a teacher. Eventually I would love to be an English teacher in a secondary school. But I definitely don’t feel mature enough yet to teach a class of 16 year olds. I mean, I’m still young myself. I’m only 20.

This last semester I am going to give it my all so I finish this degree with a good, 2:1 grade. I did pretty bad last year as my mental illness took over, which resulted in me getting an average grade of a 2:2 last year, along with a failed module. But this year (2015) is the start of a new positive me, where I will fight my depression and make the best out of myself. And that starts with doing well academically.

So, wish me luck for the next few months!

SM. xoxo


Song of the moment, ❤

Bombay Bicycle Club – It’s Alright Now